My right hook

One would think after my interviews I would have quickly written a response to my last posting, but to be completely honest, my final interview sorta hit me hard and I wasn't quite sure what to think.

My standard question to the directors is "How are the residents evaluated?" Its a an easy way to get the program director to chat away and I can think of a follow up question, or we can move on.

Well at my final interview, I think this program director took this question the wrong way. He gave me the quick run down, told me that I will do just fine in residency, and then quickly shot me a question that to this day I'm still thinking about. He asked me if I beat myself up.

The question seems innocent enough. Just say no and move on. But I paused. Because the truth is---to a point, I do beat myself up. I don't want to say my family was particularly hard on me, but when you grow up with work-alcoholic parents, your options are to rebel and be a slacker or follow in their footsteps. I clearly chose the later.

So after the pause, I attempted to explain this. I fumbled. I came across sounding like I'm super competitive which, I guess I am, but truthfully, I'm only competing against myself. The program director finally saved me and said, "Listen, we all appreciate excellence."

And that's when I shut up.