Big decisions

Lately, I've had several doctors and residents----surgeons i should say---tell me to go into surgery. They tell me that I have a "knack" for it, and I should continue to think about during this year. I have no idea how one has a knack for something they aren't even really doing---if you mean I have a knack for surgery because I can hold a retractor, or obey an order (mainly just cuz I'm trying to avoid getting yelled at---knackity knack, don't talk back) then I would think most people could have a "knack" for surgery.

I guess my fear is this "knack" they are speaking of is that I am sorta anal and like to see things done well. I can organize things--vacations, events, groups of people and I do try to get things to run smoothly. In those situations, sure, I may have a "surgeon's personality." But sometimes I don't like my type A side and I feel bad for having it. Plus I have also been called the mother of the group. I take care of others, and usually have a Mary Poppins bag with anything anyone could ever want or need. How and when does a surgeon = mother?

This whole deciding what I'm going to do with-the-rest-of-my-life -is quite stressful. Trying to figure out what you love doing in medicine, how you can pay off the med school debt, and what kind of life you want to lead (aka do you want to have a family) within the year can weigh a person down. People outside of the med school think---you, idiot, you're gonna be a doctor! you have it all figured out! Well let me tell you something---deciding to be a doctor is like deciding to get married and choosing what color flowers you want at your wedding. Once you decide that you still need to choose what kind, how many, and figure out how it is all going to be arranged within the bigger picture. I may have picked the color (although some times I question why I'm even going through with the marriage) but everything else is still unknown and the florist is demanding a check by the end of the week.